hmmmmmmmm,…….

every once in a while things get serious.

they get the kind of serious that becomes a defining moment in your life.

a limited number of options present themselves to you and you have to chose between the easy, the not so bad, the hard, and the mind numbingly impossible.

each individual choice will lead you down a route that will most likely be distinctly different from the other. and yet at some point they might converge. but of course you dont know what is down those routes, and chances are you’ll probably be slightly off if not completely wrong about where one decision may lead you.

call it a fork in the road if you will, but i prefer the word “node”.

ever get deja vu?

theres a school of thought that suggests that deja vu is the actual reliving of that precise event in that precise time and space. but in this case time refers to the time of day not the larger idea of time. so they say that when you get it theres something youre not doing right cos this life is meant to be another chance to do things right this time. like a cosmic groundhog day that lasts a life time instead of a day. i think its a derivation of both buddhist and hindu thought.

the search for enlightenment by reincarnation.

anyway, i’m getting off topic.

the comfortable choice is predictable, and well comfortable and thus by definition would probably be dull. more importantly i probably wouldnt learn anything from it.

that leaves the harder routes, and of the harder routes,… the choice to be made must include both where i want to be a few years down the road, and whether or not i’m going to enjoy the journey.

its only recently in the past few years, that i’ve found what i believe to be my true calling if there is such a thing. without a doubt i know i really love what i do, and theres nothing else i’d rather be doing,……

ever get the feeling that your whole lifes been leading up to something?

that all the bullshit, all the crap along with the good stuff,… all that was just training for something to come. that everything up to now both good and bad, was moulding and crafting you into the person you are today just so you can handle something that will turn you into the person you will be tomorrow.

they aint shittin you when they say it builds character.

those have all been nodes that lead me to this point in time.

and because of them i can work my markets without the fear i see on everyones faces. and because of all the other stuff i’ve dabbled in, both professionally, personally and on the side as hobbies etc,….

lol, looking back on it now, if my life was a tv show, itd be a variety show complete with trampolining midgets, a chinese gospel choir, inuit opera singers, suicidal comedians, political activists, a couple of porn stars and a grown man in an easter bunny suit.

doesnt make sense?

lol my point exactly

i can keep going as is of course and chose not to make a decision.

but i dont think that will help me grow at all. and it certainly wont grow what i do into something great or something with purpose.

so now its time to get my shit together, and hell its gonna be a bumpy ride, but the journey alone should make for a great fireside tale when i’m 90,…umm ok maybe only if youre a trader…..lol i know i’m gonna bore my future grandkids to death

i wonder if its just a coincidence that my node is occuring on the same day as Iraqs new government is being sworn in. both events so full of promise and potential, but both requiring extremely hard work to pull off successfuly.

lol, for someone who spends all day trying to predict the future,… i sure could use a psychic right about now