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Monthly Archives: October 2006

Google fame!

theres nothing quite like the thrill of finding your blog on the first page of google when youre not actually googling for it πŸ˜›

so let me get this right,…..

if she dresses “provocatively” she’s a temptress and inviting rape.
and the definition of “provocative” can be as loose as you want ( pun intended πŸ˜› ).
so even tightish jeans that display “curvature” is the devil telling you to kiss his ass. or her’s as the case may be.
hair is tucked under the hijab so as to prevent men from being driven into a sexual frenzy. (seriously, the only guys who would be driven into any kind of frenzy at the sight of hair would be hairdressers and stylists,…. and 90% of the time theyd be gay anyway πŸ˜› )
no self-respecting amish girl will wear anything other than the formless regulation smock so as not to distract their men from raising barns and umm other stuff they do like milking cows. ( the way their women dress its no wonder they get up at 5am to fondle a cows teats).
the burqa/niqab is designed to protect the woman from the unwanted lecherous glares of men, which by pure reasoning would suggest that the women’s men dont want other lecherous men leching. and who knows what men want better than another man.
ironically, that last line is often used when a straight person asks a gay/lesbian person what homosexual sex is like.
women, the temptresses that they are, are not allowed to directly touch a celibate buddhist monk. only men are allowed to shake their hands and serve them food, and the women have to touch the men touching the monks in order to recieve the good fortune that comes with monk-touching. ( its kinda like a religious conga line)
do you notice a pattern?
and from that pattern i have two questions, addressed to either sex of those that consider themselves pious and holy:
men:
are you that fucking weak?!
women:
are you that fucking insecure?! or do you just know your men better than they know them selves?
πŸ˜›

I Heart my MPC!

hehehe, i cant get enough of the damn machine.

quick recap for any new people here, its a drumpad/sampler machine that has been chiefly responsible for the majority of all the major hiphop albums of the past 20 years.

oh and i recently heard david gray used one on his albums too, although you wouldnt have thought it.

its about the size of a 15 inch widescreen laptop, and about the thickness of an A4 scanner.
mines currently sitting on my desk to the right of me πŸ˜›
now,…..
if youve ever played an instrument before, or always wanted to, you should really consider getting one of these things before picking up a sax or a kazoo.
if youre one of those guys/gals that likes tapping your fingers on the desk to a rythm that only you can hear,…..
even if you used to suck on those whistle lollipops as a kid, to a tune in your head, while obviously annoying every adult within earshot,…..
it really is just hours upon hours of fun to play with!
to hell dvd’s and game consoles!
and theres only so much internet porn your mind can take before your idea of getting laid involves three midgets, a pony, one red rubber glove and clown named bongo!!!
ummm,….yeah,….
anyway, what it does is quite simply, but oh my god it does it so fuckin well!

its got 16 rubber pads that you bang with your fingers.
each pad can be assigned a sound/sample. now that can be as simple as a snare drum or as complex as a hendrix guitar solo.

in piano terms, which is something you might be more familiar with, it has 16 ‘keys’ if you will.

it also has 4 banks of sounds, which you can switch between so,…..

16 pads x 4 banks = 64 samples

add to that 64 tracks and 99 sequences, and you got more than enough to compose just about anything.

pair it up with your computer and its a beast!

today i sampled an entire grand piano into the mpc, so add that to the drums,guitars and bass that i’ve put in, and it is literally a mobile Music Production Centre. you can basically take recordings from anywhere, edit, trim and apply effects, and then play them into your compositions.

and the workflow!

OMG, the workflow!!!

i’ve been banging out beats faster and more accurately than ever before. it beats the point and click of a mouse by leaps and bounds!

and its not just the speed, the quality of my music has gotten so much deeper and more complex purely because you play it as an instrument, which means you improvise more freely than you would on a mouse and keyboard.

but the most important thing is that before i would get stuck on a loop an dont know how to progress. now, because i’m listening and working with my ears as opposed to staring at waveforms on the screen, the progressions become somethig i cant wait to hear as they come piling out!

dear santa, you can keep those socks i always get for xmas and give em to someone else cos xmas came early for me πŸ˜›
ps:

Why does minty flavoured gum make me sneeze?

its been going on for almost a month now.

wrigleys, extra, even smints make me vacate my nostrils on the first couple of chews.

and i must say that it does take a fair amount of tongular dexterity to a) not spit the gum out during the sneeze, and b) not wind up choking on it either!

( put your dictionary away KD, i know ‘tongular’ isnt a word πŸ˜› )

havent tried those listerine tabs yet cos i know theyre much stronger than smints, so i’ll probably sneeze out a lung!

that sex tag thingy:

aaaaaand heeeeeere we gooooooooo:

1. I sometimes wonder whether I am doing things right during sex.
Nope, you really ought to know if you’re doing something wrong, and if you are,… switch it up with quickness πŸ˜›

2. Sex has a strong impact on my feelings for a person.
Agree

3. Orgasm is the most important aspect of sex.
Strongly agree,…. Otherwise whats the fuckin’ point? ( pun intended πŸ˜€ )

4. When it comes to sex, I will try almost anything once.
Strongly agree, but there are things I kinda figure I wouldn’t like, but then again you never know πŸ˜›

5. I sometimes feel ashamed of my own sexual desires.
Strongly disagree, FOR THE LAST TIME: I DO NOT HAVE A THING FOR SHEEP!

6. I would rather not have sex at all, than have sex with someone I do not love. Hmmm, β€œlove” is a bit extreme, but yeah I’d have to like the person atleast, and β€˜like’ in a non-physical way as well as physical. They might be hot as hell, but if they come across as a moron, I’d have to be really really drunk πŸ˜€

7. I am curious and ask lots of questions when I am learning something new. Strongly agree, hearing directions can be incredibly arousing πŸ˜›

8. I have spent a lot of time and energy learning sexual techniques through reading and talking to others.
Strongly agree, how else are you gonna learn ?

9. I am intimately familiar with every inch of my body.
Like the back of my hand πŸ˜› lol

10. Kissing is essential to good sex.
Strongly agree

11. I draw attention to my looks by wearing seductive clothing.
Ummm no I don’t wear speedos.

12. People sometimes mistake my friendly gestures as sexual come-ons.
Nope, friendly is just that, clear separation between business and pleasure.

13. I have fully explored ways to give myself sexual pleasure.
Strongly agree, but I have stopped short of warming up a jar of mayonnaise!

14. People often underestimate my abilities.
Yes and no, perhaps β€˜experiences’ would be a better word.

15. People often compliment the way I look.
Every now and again :P, not too often tho 😑

16. When I see others having sex, I get highly aroused.
Agree, who doesn’t πŸ˜›

17. Seductive talk during sex is a turn-on for me.
Strongly agree

18. I find it hard to turn away someone in need.
Strongly disagree

19. I am very talented when it comes to sex.
Lol, would be too conceited of me to say yes to that, but i haven’t had any complaints πŸ˜›

20. Sex is all about the emotional connection behind it.
Strongly agree

21. The people I work with contribute directly to how much I like my job.
Strongly disagree

22. I would rather masturbate alone, than have sex with someone who did not get me to orgasm.
Strongly agree, FINISH WHAT YOU STARTED DAMMIT!!!

23. When I think about the best sex I have ever had, it is the physical sensations I remember most.
Strongly disagree, sex after all begins in the mind.

24. When I close my eyes, I am able to think more clearly.
No, my mind tends to wander more.

25. Sex is best when you’re having it with someone extremely attractive.
Strongly agree, provided they’re not a moron as previously stated above.

26. I would have sex more than once a day, every day, if I could.
Strongly agree, there’s nothing quite like an all day session, or a several-day-session πŸ˜›

27. I am a procrastinator.
Mehhhh, depends on the task at hand.

28. I try to catch as many glimpses of my sexual partner’s naked body as I can. Strongly agree, hehehehe πŸ˜›

29. I find it hard not to brag about my sexual abilities.
Well I don’t quite mention it to any and everyone in casual conversation.

30. Roller coaster rides are usually a disappointment.
I usually enjoy the ride πŸ˜›

31. I like to get creative in bed.
Strongly agree, the kinkier the better >:D

32. I often use facial expressions to communicate things to my partner during sex.
Doesn’t everyone? If you can control your expressions then your partner sucks πŸ˜›

33. Without affection, sex is hardly worth it. Strongly agree, there must be atleast a minimum of affection there.

34. I sometimes use subtle gestures during sex, such as brushing my leg against my partner’s, as a way to show affection.
Strongly agree, or a slap on the ass πŸ˜€

35. The game “Twister” can be extremely erotic.
The β€˜idea’ of naked twister is appealing, but in practice, I don’t really know,…. I’ll let you know after I play it πŸ˜›

36. I can be talkative during sex.
Can be πŸ˜›

37. I love poetry.
Agree

38. I will use a slight nudge to get my sexual partner to change what they are doing.
Or a not so slight nudge, whatever works πŸ˜›

39. I do not like my sexual partner to see me naked.
Strongly disagree

40. Direct eye contact is essential for good communication during sex.
Strongly agree, nothing better than a deep gaze :P41. When playing Charades, I would rather be the one acting things out than the one guessing. Either / or, it can be fun no matter which side you’re on.

42. I like to stick to basic kinds of sex.
Strongly disagree, cos theres sooooooooo much more out there to experience πŸ˜›

43. I’m comfortable discussing sexual matters.
Strongly agree, what does annoy me is pointless comments regarding someones rack/ass/jubblies especially if the commentator isnt going to do anything about it. i’m not fucking blind and yes she does have an aesthetically pleaseing rear end, but i’d rather continue with our current line of conversation if youre done salivating.

44. I prefer the corner table in restaurants.
Strongly agree, hehehe:P

45. I fantasize about having sex with many different people I know.
Not that many, but a select few from time to time.

46. I have trouble sticking to the speed limit.
Nope, not a problem here.

47. Thoughts of sex are in my mind even when I do not want them there.
Lol, ok this is definitely a tag designed for girls cos that’s just silly to ask a guy!

48. When it comes to sex, I know how to ask for what I want.
Strongly agree

49. I have had a variety of sexual experiences.
Strongly agree

50. Are you currently in a sexual relationship?
Sadly no 😦 ( currently taking applications tho πŸ˜€ )

these things always take longer than you think they will,….. ironic if you think about it in this case πŸ˜›

happy eid πŸ˜€

now go get laid πŸ˜›

i forgot to pack my camera,…..

so saddly i didnt take any pics of my trip to london.

i did have a pretty good time there tho. caught up with some old friends and made some new ones.

one thing that i found amusing was realising how much things change over the years.

and how some things simply dont.

things that didnt change:

– neighbours at around 1pm πŸ˜› 1pm used to be my breakfast time in university, so neighbours was my breakfast show and it was just too easy slipping back into that old habit, especially this time around since everyone i knew had work during the day.
(neighbours is an aussie soap for those that dont know,… its sooo crap that aussies themselves dont watch it, and the british viewership seems to be the only reason that damn soap is still going on).

– the newspapers still suck if youre interested in anything other than which celeb recently got a boob job. actually the number of shit rags on the shelves have multiplied if anything.

– friends that didnt change,….its great how you can just pick up where you left off. theres comfort in knowing that certain people will always be fun, be it 5 or 20 years from now when you next meet.

– my folks spent a lot of time in london during the 60’s, and they gave me directions to a shop for a little something for them. i laughed my ass off when my mum asked me, and i said “you gotta be kidding me, no way theyre still there after so long!” especially since they are a specialty shop.

i stood outside the shop for 5 minutes with my mouth open when i saw the sign,…wondering about how one goes about wiping egg off ones face πŸ˜›

a shortlist of things that have changed:

– gordon ramsey has now replaced angus deaton on “have i got news for you”,….which ironically is probably old news to everyone but me πŸ˜›

– i stayed in a flat just behind the london eye, i never went to see it before, buti gotta say,… that one bloody big wheel!

– alot more foreigners! which sounds odd cos i am one as well πŸ˜› , but yeah alot more. just about every person i asked for directions had a foreign accent.

– friends that did change: i love meeting old friends that turn out differently from how you thought they would. one person i always thought would wind up teaching now works in a hedgefund, shes loving it, and i gotta say that on reflection, it suits her well. others have saddly become drones. no point on expanding on that cos that would just be too depressing.

– it was officially the warmest october on record for the past 300 yrs. so the weather was lovely and i only got caught inthe rain once, and for only 30 mins. i walked everywhere, and didnt even need to take the tube. global warming rules!

– people seem alot tenser in general. which is understandable. but its not healthy. its also getting stupidly expensive there. kanye west said this about NY, but given the dollars weakness and the pounds strength London seems to fit better: ” you gotta be rich to be poor there”.

still, all in all, its a bloody great city to visit especially if you have friends there.

i just wished i had known about Spamalot’s opening so i coulda stayed longer to watch it.

————————————————————————————-

i got my MPC πŸ˜€

its fuckin wicked!

i can play almost anything on it, from piano to strings to percussion, from whole samples to single shot notes for composing!

and it being a drumpad, its incredibly expressive as the pads are velocity sensitive,…ie: grrr/arrghh/agro sounds = hit harder, while, softer keys etc = hit not so hard.

its brilliant, and i havent even hooked my guitar up to it yet πŸ˜›

one last thing before i go,….

one long ass traffic rant coming up, but if you’d rather read about something else just skip to the dotted lines πŸ˜›

Intlxpat posted on and article in the papers the other day, which reminded me about wanting to comment on the same topic.

in a nutshell, the government is planning on banning ten year old cars from the roads in an effort to ease traffic congestion.

basically theyre saying “its the bloody foreigners faults for clogging up our streets!”

“and the poor!”

now, hands up anyone who’s gone to either salmiya or hawally on a thursday night……

ok,… now hands up everyone who got stuck in traffic in hawally and/or salmiya on a thursday night…..

ok, so you know what its like.

now hands up anyone who went out on election night a few months ago. the streets were empty werent they?!

me and a friend actually got errands done in hawally, and then had dinner in salmiya without getting into a single traffic jam!!!

now since the only thing different about that night was the elections, and just about every kuwaiti was at home watching for the results, there is really only one conclusion to reach.

you are your own worst enemy πŸ˜›

now we can expand on this a bit more as i’m sure there will be a couple of people who will say “but we’re barely 1 million and you lot are 2 mill easy!”

true,…

but heres the thing:

your average kuwaiti household, immediate family only, consists of 2-3 kids, mum and dad. now mum’s got a car, and dad’s got a car. assume one of the kids is over 18, so thats 3 cars over 5 people.

then multiply that by the average number of uncles and aunts, grandmothers and grandfathers (adjust for 1 driver each, conservatively), cousins, nephews and neices,….. and you get,…

a holy shit load of cars, and not enough parking.

i’ll admit my math sucks, but think about any family you know that has grown up kids in their 20’s. chances are theres a car for every person in the houshold, with one car split between the driver, maids and houseboys.

thems alot of wheels !

now contrast that with the average expat family. at the most, you’ll find that an equivalent family of 5, will on average only have one or two cars at the most. and population wise, those expat families with 2 cars or more are a minority in kuwait.

the majority, on the other hand, cant afford a car and will more than likely be carpooling or riding the bus. and those that do have cars, rarely go “cruising” or “gizz-ing” on the gulf road on a thursday night. ( a traffic jam in farwaniya or jleeb is another matter altogether) .

and for those that didnt get to enjoy a stress free thursday nights drive that election night,…. i gotta tell you it was absolute bliss! like a friday morning, but darker πŸ˜›

so uh, whens youre next election ? πŸ˜›


————————————————————————————————

on a more important note:

I GET MY MPC1000 IN A FEW DAYS!!!

for those that dont know, older MPC’s are what alot of the classic hiphop albums were made on in the early days. this is what i hope to do with my MPC one day.


the idea is to record samples off my guitar, and off some other instruments, and then to put together a live set, similar to this or even this one day. ( the “MPC” up there and the ‘this” and “this” will take you to youtube, for some reason the font doesnt change colour like i want it to,…grrrrrr,..)

but with perhaps a more local flavour, or even a fusion of east and middle east.

if your granny or great granny play any traditional instruments, let me know. i’ll want to sample their playing one day.


oh and i’m gonna try and stay away from the PC while i’m away, lol, we’ll see how long that lasts πŸ˜›


other than that, skunk will not be available from the evening of the 6th to the 19th, but leave a message at the beep and he’ll get back to you as soon as possible.


beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!