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Above The Law or How I Gave A Cop The Middle Finger And Got Away With It >:D

  • around 430pm, on a breezy afternoon a few days ago, i was on my way to the office to finish up some chores.

  • dammit! i just realised i was low on gas, so i pulled into the nearest gas station and filled up.

  • now as i was filling up, it seemed like everyone in kuwait had woken up from their afternoon naps and realised they were late for work, so as usual everyone was in a rush on the roads.

  • as if driving itself on the roads wasnt dangerous enough, trying to join the oncomming traffic with a tank full of gas is damn near suicidal if you think of it. but as with most things we get used to it and think nothing of it since theres nothing we can do about it.

  • still, i took my time, no cars were behind me edgeing me to go, so i chilled for a bit till i saw the break in the traffic.

  • ah-HA! theres one!

  • i’ll be the first to admit it was a small one, but if that busted up 8yr old nissan sports car didnt speed up then i’d be fine.

  • pfffft, guess what the dumbass in the busted up nissan did as soon as he spotted me trying to join the lane……

  • now youd think, ok i’ve probably pissed him off, but he’s going to brake and slow down beside me.

  • lol wrong assumption is the mother of all conflicts.

  • instead he dodges and weaves around my car as if he was david hasselhoff and someone told him his new single actually entered the american billboard charts at 1209839207483278392 this time around šŸ˜€

  • so i do the customary fist in the air and angry face thing šŸ˜› keeping the pose long enough so he sees me in his rear mirror.

  • lol, the fucker actually gets all pissed and slows down so i can catch up to him.

  • then he does the what-the-fuck-are-you-pissed-about hand gesture that you see here, the one with a slight twist of the wrist, then i do the point-to-eyes-are-you-fucking-blind gesture, he yells something, i cant hear got my window up, i do the swirling-finger-at-temple-crazy gesture, which funnily enough sends him off into another rage šŸ˜›

  • i think it has something to do with a foreigner answering him back šŸ˜›

  • at this point i spot my exit coming up so i go ahhh-fuck-you-cue-middle-finger-and-accelerator.

  • i always do that :P, but yeah i know, one day it was gonna catch up to me.

  • now in my rear view i could see him fiddling with something, but i thought ok call your cop friend and give me a ticket then ya dumbfuck šŸ˜›

  • but two seconds later, hes caught up and hes waving some ID card at me shouting police! pull over!(in arabic of course)

  • so my dilemma was this, blow him off incase he was full of shit,… or pull over and find out if hes full of shit, cos if he’s CID the i might be in trouble trying to ‘evade capture’ (lol), and if not i’ll talk my way out of it.

  • remember i was gonna take an exit?

  • its that one on the other side of panasonic shuweikh al rai, the one that goes under the bridge onto ghazali. if you know it, you’ll know it gets busy there and one broken down car will cause a massive jam cos of the bottlneck.

  • so i’m yelling WHERE THE FUCK YOU WANT ME TO PULL OVER DUMBASS?!?!

  • DUMBASS: (SOMETHING IN ARABIC THAT MEANT HERE DAMMIT HERE!!!!)

  • since he’s behind me i figure ok šŸ˜› everyone will blame your crappy car for the jam šŸ˜€

  • so i’m blocking one lane. his cars behind my pajero. people are beeping the fuck out of him cos he obviously doesnt look like a cop, and i’m chuckling at the whole deal.

  • now his english sucked and from what i heard all he knows is “GIVE ME LISCENCE AND ID!” which he said like twenty times. which really amussed me cos i cant recall the last time i pissed someone off that much.

  • so i hand over one not both cards, remebering the bogus cop stories you read about all the time here.

  • he keeps yelling, frustrated that this bloody foreigner wasnt listening to him.

  • hehehehe so i push it a little more and i say ” NO! YOU GIVE ME YOU POLICE/BADGE NUMBER AND NAME!!! MANY MAN NO REAL POLICE, GIVE ME NUMBER AND A NAME!!!”

  • :O

  • lol dumbass actually hands me his cop ID card, and my ID card back!

  • reminded me of training dogs, use an assertive tone and even tho they could rip you to pieces they’ll listen to you. thats the only explanation i could find.

  • so i’m taking my sweet time entering his name and number into my phone, letting him stew in his anger and letting him wonder WTF is he going to do with my number and card?!

  • after i hand him back his card, we have another shouting match, he wants me liscence and ID and i say no šŸ˜› over and over and over……. see theres no reason to fear plain clothes cops cos then its up to them to prove that theyre cops.

  • so he goes YOU CAR UP!

  • which i figure means “kindly drive your car up onto the curb so the traffic may be allowed to pass :D”

  • done.

  • cue shouting match again, until i say, YOU POLICE? YOU CALL SAYARA WHOOWHOOWHOO THEN I COME POLICE STATION!

  • and looking like the geezy equivalent to archimedes yelling eureka! the shouts “OK!!!” and does that odd nod of the head that is customary here. “YOU NO GO!!!”

  • his sudden enthusiasm made me think: oh well done skunk, now you gone and stuck your big ass foot in your big ass mouth again!

  • i could see it now, NEWS FLASH: driver beaten and sodomised by cops for resisting arrest on 4th ring road, and nice big picture of me smiling thru broken teeth šŸ˜¦

  • so we sit and wait for his friends to come after he made the call.

  • my cars on the curb buthis sports car was still blocking traffic.

  • so he starts to wave people away from his car. ( i was secretly hoping a truck driver would be half asleep and come barrelling into his little sports car šŸ˜› )

  • after about 5 minutes of him waving people on, i smile and say ‘hey open blinking lights!’ lol, talk about poking a cornered animal :P. he gives me an evil stare and repeats somethign he heard in a movie ” i know my job!”,…… then he switches his lights on.

  • about 5 mins later, he decides to put his car on the curb too.

  • heres where i couldnt help but laugh.

  • he spent about 5 minutes trying to back his low sports car up on the curb, and managed to scrape his undercarriage quite badly in the process. and everyone watching were chuckling too šŸ˜›

  • now the sun goes down, and the wind picks up, hes in a t shirt in his open top sports car (looking fly, or trying to), while i’m sat in my nice warm suv with a sweatshirt on.

  • i then watch him get cold and decide to put his roof pieces on, his car being oldish it wasnt exactly the suavest looking of operations as the clips didnt really co-operate šŸ˜›

  • more snickering on my part.

  • then it seems he needed to pee, it being cold and all, so he drives his car under the bridge and takes a whizz.

  • just to make him uncomfortable i stare at him grinning šŸ˜€

  • me and dumbass then wait another 15 minutes in silence till his friends show up in a patrol car.

  • naturally, he runs over to them and starts telling them how i flipped him off and was driving insanely and wasnt co-operating. so two uniformed dudes come over, and i decide to be all sugar and spice and everything nice and say salaam aleikhum šŸ˜€ ! complete with big ass smile!

  • i have a nice chat with the guy in charge, he was nice and pleasant, so i gave him my liscence and ID like he asked. basically being the complete opposite to the asshole the dumbass was saying i was šŸ˜› ( tactics my friends šŸ˜› )

  • then dumbass tries to make it look like he was doing nothing wrong after i said he saw me coming and sped up. he claims he was doing ONLY 80! i think that was the ace up his sleeve. thing is the patrol cop knows that 80 was for the fast lane on the 4th, and speed limits decrease as you go to the slower lanes. ( big ass grin on my face)

  • patrol cop one takes my ID and liscence and takes dumbass’s liscences and pulls him to one side. all this time i’m sat in my car talking thru the window. patrol cop 2 doesnt speak, but he smiles and rolls his eyes at dumbass in a what-a-dumbass-waste-of-time-dumbass-is kinda way.

  • ah-ha! nice guy i say to myself, heres an opening, and i go shwaya barid yeah? lol gotta practice my arabic. patrol cop 2 then has a chat with me, where do i work, how long i’ve been here. thank god for arabic class cos otherwise i wouldnt have a clue what to say.

  • after a short convo he says anta kalem araby zain, i modestly decline of course, la la la, ana kalem bas shuwaya šŸ˜› .

  • i could see patrol cop one telling dumbass that this was all a waste of time, and my nationality was brought up as the main reason why dumbass was wasteing everyones time. ( i understand more than i can speak šŸ˜› )

  • nothing quite like one cop verbally bitchslaping(in a nice way) another cop :D.

  • i got my cards back and patrol cop one goes everything ok, i go shukran!shukran! ma’asallama! and all four of us part ways.

  • lol not even an apology was asked of me!

  • so, many thanks to patrol cop one and two, two of the nicest cops i’ve met here. and i must say that i have never had a problem with cops in this country. actually, one of my ‘wasta’s’ i was thinking of calling if i needed help was one of those special bodyguard cops that was my neighbour for years. i’ve had cops help changeing tires, and almost always taking my side ( cos i’m always right of course šŸ˜› ) in roadside fenderbenders.

  • but the moral of the story is this:

  • sun tzu had it right in his book the art of war, every battle is either won or lost before a single shot is fired. ( i think it was him)

  • my nationality allows me certain leverage, which i’ve always know, but never tested till now. dumbass didnt know, nor could he.

  • dumbass was being a dumbass and all agro cos he thought that doing so would intimidate and i’m sure its worked many times before, but his not being in uniform fucked his chances of really doing anything with anyone other than illegal residents or labourers new to the country. as such he was ill equiped for the battle he flung hiself into.

  • i never use wasta unless i really really really cant get something done myself, so if i couldnt have talked my way out of it at the station, then yeah i would have called my friends. doing so would have shamed dumbass in ways he’s never dreamed of, so that would have been a last resort. humiliation is not a good side dish to victory, might feel good now, but you’ll pay for it later.

  • all of the above combined allowed to me handle the situation the way i wanted to handle it. and poor dumbass really didnt have a chance to begin with.

  • but i’m pretty sure that when i comes time to renew my liscence and registration, i’m probably gonna find a huge fine on my car ready and waiting for me courtesy of dumbass.

  • unless of course he really was a dumbass and didnt take down my plate number šŸ˜›
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11 Comments

    • The Krispy Dixie
    • Posted November 23, 2006 at 1:59 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    SHSHSHSHSHSHSHSHHSSH SHOTGUN!! šŸ˜›

    nice story!

    I never pull over for cops, they wanna chase me around till I pull up at my house, fine! but I ain’t stopping on the side of a road for a cop who probably just wants to hit on me! no way, no how! šŸ˜›

    you handled it well, me thinks! šŸ˜€

    P.S. You tell a really good story man! šŸ˜‰

  1. lol @ shotgunning, youre prolly one of 3 regular readers i have so not much of a competition šŸ˜›

    and yeah i didnt really want to have a smokie and the bandit scene going on šŸ˜› but next time i see a car chase i’ll know its you šŸ˜€

    you know what, next time they do try an pull you over,….keep driving home, but do it at like 40kms/hr,… lol thatd be funny šŸ˜›

  2. GREAT story, SKNK. In all my years living in the ME, I have never, ever been pulled over by the police. And the only accident I ever had, another American hit me! LOL!!!!!

    My friends are always looking for great words to use instead of the NO – NO’s, Did you know that “honey” in Arabic is AAsel?

  3. I would not have stopped at all. Unless he was in a police car! And even if he did, I would have gone directly to the police station saying that he asked me for a blow job!
    You should have taken his picture while he was peeing in public! Then publish with Blue-tooth!

  4. lol xpat, yeah AAsel is honey šŸ˜› a little bit goes along way when dealing with cops or anyone in authority in the ME. the greatest edge we have as xpats is our nationality so work it as much as you can šŸ˜›

    lol BIE, i should have taken a pic! and thats a great idea instead of using wasta,…. i’ll tell the station cops he wanted to pay me to blow him hahaha.

  5. loved your little adventure..

    and next time.. if you come across a “dumbass” don’t stop unless the dumbass is in an official dumbass car šŸ™‚

  6. quote: wrong assumption is the mother of all conflicts.

    nice, dood. really nice šŸ˜€

    mannnnnn. hilarious shit.

    what’s your nationality btw? sorry. just woke up.

  7. youre right 3abeer, and the rest of you :P, i really shouldnt have stopped at all come to think of it. i should kept driving at like 40 with hazard lights on all the way šŸ˜›

    welcome bodicea.

    well to get to where i was born, coming from where i am, you hang a left at where you are, but not a 90 degree left, more like a 45 degree left, keep going till you hit the heart of the british empire, then hang a right across the the water and i’m home šŸ˜€

    i stick out like a sore thumb here so you’ll forgive the cryptic directions, altho if you know what i’m talking about its pretty damn obvious.

    i prefer to know i have stalkers than not know that they know šŸ˜›

  8. lol. ok, dood. why “skunk”. why masked. or should we do IM?

  9. no real reason for the masking, old chat habits die hard šŸ˜›

    my emails up there on my profile page if you wanna add me šŸ˜›

    be warned tho, i’ve read your hilarious chat transcripts so i’ma be extra careful around you šŸ˜›

  10. “(SOMETHING IN ARABIC THAT MEANT HERE DAMMIT HERE!!!!)”
    i dont believe that!!! thats way too decent! im quite sure he added quite a few cuss words, but maybe they don’t teach you those in your arabic classes :p

    btw i totally cracked up reading this post!!! its SO kuwait! u have to admit that ud never have such an entertaining and unique evening anywhere else in the world :p


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