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with almost everyone i know asking me about the stock market over the past couple of weeks, i figured this is probably the best time to write this.

while there have literally been thousands upon gajjillions of books written on the wonders of the stock market and the art of speculation, there are a few things that not many of them actually say. these few things are vital and they are the things that will determine how well you actually do, or if youre wife is gonna wind up leaving you when you propose the sale of your youngest child saying ” well we’ve only had him for 2 years, you cant be that attached to him!”

there are tonnes of books out there that will teach you how not to shoot yourself out of boredom while reading a company’s financial report. and just as many that will teach you how to time your entry based on the wiggles of the charts or the phase of the moon or what colour top that cute weather girl was wearing on the second thursday of may in 2003.

and no doubt, one of the best ways to having a go at the market is to spend lots and lots of dollars on those books. if you know nothing about it, then i’m afraid thats what youre gonna have to do. consider it tuition fees,….. and consider your first major losses tuition fees as well. cos believe me you will have them.

an its all because people go into the markets not fully understanding exactly what it is.

and the beauty of it is that the market is what you make it.

someone once wrote that the market is where adults become children again. truer words were never spoken. it is the one place that people think will make them better than the others. cos lets face it your dead end government job aint exactly gonna buy you that mansion in the bahamas.

its where adults daydream. infact i’d even go so far as to say its a bloody dream factory. every movement makes new ones, but whether they make happy happy dreams or manifest horrible nightmares is up to what you make of the market. 

before you even think of buying that first book that promises to make you millions while youre in your pyjamas based solely on the readings of tea leaves and moon phases, consider these points:

the money youre going to invest,….. you better not need it tomorrow for your kids education. you also better not need it tomorrow for your gas or groceries. i also hope that it didnt come out of your retirement fund, and if it did i hope it isnt too much. oh and one more thing, i really,really,really hope you didnt go and get a loan to play the market.

the funds that you use must be excess cash. stuff that you want to see grow a little faster than in a fixed deposit or savings account. and youve got to have more than enough to not worry about your daily life if the market happens to turn against you. and here i’m not talking about having thousands or millions. if you can only spare a couple hundred, then start with only a couple hundred,… but that couple hundred has got to be what i said it should be,… money you dont need today or tomorrow.

if you can comfortably check that off your list then go on to the next thing:

“the market is where adults become children again”,….. remember that? ok, sooo,…..

if you think you’ll be able to get in on something early and ride the wave till youve trippled your money overnight, and get out before it crashes…. then go away and come back when youve grown up.

if youve already got a shopping list of stuff for your spouse, kids, yourself,…… then go away and come back when youve grown up.

if you think the market will help you pay off your credit card debts,……then go away and come back when youve grown up.

if you think that you’ve read everything there is to read, youve paper traded what you think is a winning system (hint hint there is none), youre certain that everyone else is a moron even tho youve not put a single cent into the market,…….then go away and come back when youve grown up.

if you think youre smart and nimble enough to not take a major hit atleast once, twice or maybe even three times in your first six months,…..then go away and come back when youve grown up.

oh and even worse, if you think that the market works on rules that make sense and if you cant accept that other people will think your ideas stink, …..then go away and come back when youve grown up.

and if you think i’ll just go in until i make this much then i’ll get out,…..then go away and come back when youve grown up,….. cos you’ll always come back whether you win or lose, so dont kid yourself.

if you dont like being a loner, and always have to ask someone else’s opinion about a stock,…..then go away and come back when youve grown up.

cos you see, nothing will prepare you for the markets.

there is no paper trading course that will realistically ‘simulate’ losing your hard earned cash. and theres no course taught by any guy that is really worth going to, cos surely if he really knew what he was talking about then he’d be too busy making money on the market to teach you.

the only preparation you can make is inside your mind. and using money that is all yours and that you dont need right now will be vital to the mental discipline needed to play this game with even the slightest degree of success.

oh and one more thing,….

its not about the money.

thats what i’m trying to say.

what is required is a collectors mindset.

whether you want it to be about collecting great companies at great prices, or if its about collecting dollars like your neighbour collects shot glasses from all the countries he goes to on holiday,…. thats what it really is about.

ok now you can go and buy that book about predicting stock prices based on the degrees of bitchiness your girlfriend experiences during her period.


oh and one more thing,…. if youre one of those people that blame social obligations for your expenses, meaning:

– you need to go on holiday cos if you dont your neighbour will think youre broke.

– you need to drive a big car or your neighbour will think youre broke.

– you need to get your long lost family members expensive gifts or they and your spouses friends will think youre broke.

(how sweet the irony that you get yourself in debt via credit cards and loans so as not to appear broke!)

well, forget it. seriously, be content knowing that you’ll forever be in debt no matter how much money you make on the market cos you will always live beyond your means.

if you manage not to lose your shirt.

live within your means, and your life will be much richer for it.

and so will your bank account 😛



  1. Very interesting info. It makes a lot of sense and is very entertaining!

    However, I think real estate is always a smarter idea. At least you always own something tangible in the end, and it doesn’t go bankrupt right after it has presented gigantic pie charts and documentation that proves record earnings ;p

    Oh and ps. leave the girlfriends alone!!

  2. hahaha true to a certain extent, but real estate does have its own pitfalls.

    but even with real estate, its gotta be money you dont need now. actually even more so with real estate. and everything else is pretty much the same.

    and you can still buy stupid real estate at stupid prices, just like stupid stocks at stupid prices 😛

  3. Hilarious post! congrats u js made me piss from laughter! In the same time i was feelin bad at all the old men (babies) out there who got heart attacks from loosing all their money in the market…well i guess they deserved it coz they played with fire js like all those lil kids did even though they know that what the’re doing is dangerous…thanks for educating all the people out there about the market..

    Before I forget…whats with u guys makin fun of us when we pms! didn’t u know that guys pms 24/7 30 days a month :p it gets even worse when they don’t get laid…cheerz!

  4. lol ummm yeah i havent gotten laid in a while either so there you go 😛

  5. I loved this post, and you neglected to say (or I read it too fast) live BELOW YOUR INCOME. something I have heard you say so many many times!

  6. thanks xpat 😀

    and i guess it was implied,…. but then if they didnt get it then i really dont think they would have understood any other part of it really 😛

    i think i’ll edit it anyways so its clear 😀

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