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one afternoon, while strolling thru a shop with Blue, a bizarre collection of “implements” caught my eye.

now, while i’m pretty sure there are underground dildo salesmen in this country, as mentioned in a previous post, i was pretty surprised to find this collection of “tools” available out in the open.

so ladies / and some gentlemen, if your husband / boyfriend / bit on the side sucks in bed,…

and not in a good way,….

rest assured that your orgasmic salvation is at hand,…

quite literally šŸ˜›

first on the block, i give you the “Corn on the Cob” dildo:

device1.jpg

it’s made of sturdy thick glass and is elegantly styled to look like a tacky mantle piece ornament so it wont draw your maids attention while shes dusting your bedroom.

following natures design, you’ll find it ribbed for your pleasure, with little corn thingys that will literally tickle your fancy.

and when youre done, just wash it up and theres no need to stash it away as you can even leave it on your dining room table, or in your fruit bowl, and no one will be the wiser. try doing that with a phallus look a like!

what am i bid?

the second implement in our collection will thrill all the tomato lovers in our audience tonight!

device2.jpg

yup! that picture is a bit blurry because this particular tittilator actually wobbles,…. ( and i was in mid wobble when the picture was taken. )

it comes with a sturdy white plastic handle, which extends into the bit that wobbles, and ends in a nice big red heavy weighted tomato!

in the background, on the rack of toys, you will also notice a round studded blue one, which i gotta say looks pretty damn scary and a green hammer looking thing which i’m guessing would be used in conjunction with whips, chains, dripping wax candles and a bound gimp of some sort. ( bring out the gimp! …… umm yes, dating myself with that reference. )

and speaking of S&M, i give you exhibit 3:

device3.jpg

or what i like to call ” the you-better-have-loads-of-lube-erator”.

once again, apologises for the crappy blurry photo,… mid wobble once again i’m afraid.

one simply cannot see them and not wobble them.

theyre very wobble-able!

so who says kuwait needs a sex shop to sell standard commercial sex toys like the rest of the world?!

next week:

Ace Hardware + power tools and how to turn your new “you-better-have-loads-of-lube-erator” into your very own powered dildo.

šŸ˜›

[ incase you didnt get it, there wont really be a “next week”,…. unless someone really wants to know in which case i could probably call an electrical engineer who might be able to help you out ]

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18 Comments

  1. bit on the side sucks in bed?
    Corn on the Cob?
    sturdy?
    tacky?
    mantle piece?
    ribbed?
    stash?
    phallus?
    bid?
    tittilator?
    wobbles?
    bound gimp?

  2. I like the corn!
    It looks friendly šŸ™‚
    I love corn!

  3. Dude, do we have to raise such disturbing topics?
    whatever floats their boat man, or as some might say “Whatever tickles their pickle”
    My two cents worth šŸ™‚

  4. bit on the side sucks in bed?
    your extra marital affair is bad in bed.

    Corn on the Cob?
    umm that corn thingy that you get in hardees or kfc or somewhere.

    sturdy?
    tough, solid

    tacky?
    cheap and blech

    mantle piece?
    that little shelf like thing over the fireplace.

    ribbed?
    lol,… ummm ribbed like some condoms are textured.

    stash?
    hide, in this context. but it can mean a secret collection of stuff like: porn stash, hash stash, coke stash, etc.

    phallus?
    penis

    bid?
    as in bidding price, ie buy.

    tittilator?
    exciter normally a sexual nature.

    wobbles?
    like how jello moves.

    bound gimp?
    tied up sex slave,… like the one in pulp fiction.

  5. bie: lmao at freindly corn!

    kaos: haha i was surprised there wasnt a pickle one next to the corn.

  6. cool blog

  7. thank you.

  8. Why can’t I see pictures goddammit?

  9. Hi, I know that you’re online now but I can’t use yahoo neither MSN. I can actually connect to the internet in class. So we can chat throught my chatbox šŸ˜€
    This is so cool!

  10. Ooooh! How sweet of you to explain every thing to me. No wonder I listen to every thing you say šŸ˜€

  11. hmm pictures seem to be working here june. its on the wordpress server so it should work for everyone.

    let me know if it still doesnt work when you try agian later.

    BIE: lol! PAY ATTENTION IN CLASS!

  12. I was!

  13. I would seriously like to have a tour inside your brain and see how you’re chain of reason (or lack thereof) works out

    YOU CRACK ME UP MATE LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL

    bound gimp, ha?! *can’t stop laughin*

  14. welcome to the darkside kinano!

    muahahahaha!

    • Prophet of Random
    • Posted September 23, 2007 at 2:54 pm
    • Permalink
    • Reply

    The way I judge my sex toys is by their measure of safety: How likely they are to go wrong.

    The corn might work, but glass? That would be neither fun nor pleasurable if I had to rush to the ER with shattered glass in my punany.

    Try explaining that to the doctor: “the corn… I was… ummm… me and the corn… oh godamnit! It doesn’t matter how it got there, can you get it out or not?”

    As for the other two, I don’t think they’d be very comfortable. They’re just the wrong shape.

    I commend you on your effort to locate sex toys for the sexually frustrated people of this nation. You should win an award for your effort, but your products just would not work.
    Just keep doing what you’re doing and one day you’ll find that common household object that will satisfy all your pleasures.

    Best of luck! May the Dildo God be the wind beneath your wings.

  15. well teh corn was made entirely of glass, ie not hollow. so if you were to break it then damn, someones been over doing their kegels!

    as for the other two, i think you need to upgrade your freaky chip cos you must admit they do have potential.

    or maybe my freaky chip got shorted and is functioning on overload šŸ˜

  16. Blue Ice Envy is an insane bitch

  17. Ok…I am going to have to give the corn a WTF. To me that seems odder than using an actual cucumber or something.


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